Honestly, I'm finding myself in the exact same position as you right now.
Think hard and you'll know what I mean.
This only goes on for so long.
I guess care and concern is something I would love to give to you, but apparently the things that are going on right now are making me think twice. There will come a point where you will have to choose too, like him, and that point is not very far away..
I'm truly confounded by the way you treat me while you're treating him like that. I think that if I were to care for my ex that way right now, you wouldn't even bother about me one bit. I'm not asking you to stop treating me the way you do, but I simply cannot live with the fact that someone special to me is treating me as specially as that other guy.
I've got a little issue with the trust between us too. Who is to say what you have done, are doing, or are capable of doing, when we both know that you are so ready to do so many things. Though I really want to, there are times when I simply cannot bring myself to trust you. Don't blame it entirely on me being paranoid or whatever. Frankly, you haven't really done anything that has strengthened my trust in you. What I've noticed is the secrets that you somehow have to keep from me and the way you treat guys. Like him. Tell me I'm wrong when I say that these don't help one bit in the amount of trust I have in you. Okay, maybe we just got to know each other not too long ago and all, but that doesn't change the fact that keeping all these secrets does make me terribly suspicious.
You've asked, why am I always so moody? I am partly to blame, but maybe sometimes, you should ask yourself that question too..
I know that there are many things you have done for me, like accompanying me to study, making time to spend with me and all. You do the most touching things and send the loveliest messages. But is there anything special about that, because I see things like that happening between you and the other guys. Somehow, sometimes you give me the impression you're totally uninterested. I feel so dispensable by the fact that when I'm not with you, there is always someone else. And one day, I'll probably just be dumped aside when I'm no longer needed. Am I just here to fill the void someone else left. Or am I really wanted here in your life.
I have come to this point, where I'm almost on the edge of just letting go and walking away. But who's to say, it was nothing to begin with. Like what you once said him. You keep saying that you are all pissed off and unhappy with him, but I was dumbfounded when I heard you went to have dinner with him. And worse still, you had to keep his identity a secret when you were talking about him to your friends because I was around.
You know, to me you're this bubbly, cheerful girl who is so full of life. Yet at the same time, you seem so capable of being this cold, ruthless person who will dish out terribly torturous punishments to anyone who makes you unhappy. Sometimes, I don't know what to make of you.
I do want to let you know, you're my one and only right now and you have my undivided attention. I'll support you and I'll be there for you. But there will come a point when I want to receive the same amount of love from you. And I'm saying love, not like or any other form of feeling, because I find myself sinking deeper into it. And only love could have made me do the things I've done, and even bothering to even type this out when every sentence I type makes my heart cringe because I know how upset it will make you. But I have to write how I feel, and I hope you will understand, and do something about it. I don't want to have to disappear from your life.
Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I've been getting the wrong message all along. Maybe what you have for me, is not what I have for you. Maybe one day you'll come to me and say "I'm sorry, I'm choosing him." Maybe there's more to it than what I've heard. Maybe I'm holding you back from the one you really want. Maybe I should back off. Maybe you'll agree. These Insecurities. Their tearing me down.
*I have given much thought in this, and this is how I feel right now. So please, try to understand where I'm coming from and use it to understand me more. Unless of course you don't want to.
